20 UNDER 20
TLD HER: 20 QUESTIONS (PART 3)
Age: 20
Relationship Status: Painfully single
Occupation: Student
Income: Whatever my family gives me
Astrological Sign: Gemini
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
Can I say my morning poops? I absolutely cherish my toilet time.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
If people like me or not. Shallow, I know.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
My phone. It’s the first thing I look at when I wake up and the last thing before I go to bed. It’s so unhealthy.
When do you question yourself?
Honestly? More often than not. I always feel like everyone else is happier than I am; they have more friends, they have a better-looking body, and better grades. The list goes on.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
I’ve recently moved to a different country for my studies. Looking different from everyone here, I had this feeling that people wouldn’t want to be friends with me. Like I wouldn’t be ‘cool’ enough for them. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Everyone has been so nice and welcoming. I don’t know if this counts, but I do think it’s made me realize that looks are the least important thing, and I shouldn’t base my self-worth on something so frivolous.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
I gained a lot of weight during the pandemic, and I have punished myself daily for the past 4 years. I went through so many phases trying to lose weight. 1 meal a day, 10k steps, only ate under 1200 calories, only had salad for a month (depressing, I know), I didn’t have sugar under any circumstances for a year. Oh, the list goes on. Nothing really stuck. I would always hit a wall and want to binge again. Now, I’ve let go of all of that. I stopped looking up ‘quick ways to lose weight’, stopped all the nonsense diets. I go to the gym 3 times a week. Walking is my main mode of transportation. I eat what I feel like and make sure to include all the food groups in every meal, and I’ve lost 4 kilos – it doesn’t seem like a lot, but I really struggle with my weight, so I’m celebrating small wins.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
I’ve forgiven my father for leaving us. Well, like 90%. Most of the time, I’ve accepted it, but sometimes I still get pissed off. I used to get so riled up and yell at him over the phone, and that affected me way more than it did him, so I decided that I needed to forgive him - for my own sake. My parents got divorced when I was 4, and shared custody until I was 15. I’ve lived with my mom full-time since I was 15, and that was also when he decided to stop being a father. He remarried and had 2 other children, in addition to my sister and me. For 15 years of my life, he has never had his phone’s lock screen as anything other than what Apple provides. He has never changed it. Now? It’s a picture of his 2 new kids. It seems so small but it really hurt me when I first saw it. He was never a good father to us. He beat my mom, cheated, gambled her money, came home to us drunk and high. The only reason he got custody of us was that he was richer than my mom, and my mom knew she couldn’t provide for us without his help. But yeah, I’ve come to terms with it.
How do you ground/center yourself?
By praying. I’m not the most religious person, but when I do, I feel so serene, and I feel so connected with God.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
Writing. I’ve always kept a journal, and I write just about everything.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
Maybe now. Yes, I’m still riddled with insecurities, but I handle them way better. I’m not as angry as I used to be. I used to be so shy and timid, but I’ve put myself out there way more than I used to. I stand up for myself now. I set boundaries that I have no problem enforcing, even when others keep pushing them.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
Beating your kids as a form of discipline. How can you leave scars and bruises on your child and say you do it out of love?
What is something you know for sure?
That I will be a good mother. I’ve always dreamed of having children. I want to love them the way I wish I had been loved.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
The minute you show unprovoked physical aggression, I’m out the door.
Being a Mama’s boy is a no.
I don’t like arrogance.
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
When I’m in my go-to outfit. Jeans and a white tee.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
I’m constantly in awe of my mother. When my parents first got divorced, she had nothing - literally nothing. She was a housewife before that, and at 32, had never worked; never finished her degree because my father blew all the money meant for tuition on gambling. Now, she’s 46, was just promoted to HR Manager, is taking her Master’s, and is the main breadwinner of our household. Pride doesn’t begin to describe what I feel for her.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
A Swatch for my 10th birthday. My mom didn’t have much yet at the time, but she thought I was a big girl and I needed something to show for it. My mom, stepdad, and auntie pitched in to get me this watch. I don’t wear it anymore but I have it in my drawer. I’ll keep it forever.
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
Nothing really. I try not to make a habit out of regretting things.
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
Drugs. I’ve seen what it can do to people. It’s a slippery slope - a risk I’m not willing to take.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
My ambition. I know what I want, and I stop at nothing to achieve it.
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
My mommy. She’s my hero. I hope to have half the grit she does.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
My best friend of 7 years did not get the results she needed to continue her studies overseas. She was so upset, and she felt like God was punishing her. Recently, she enrolled in a local university, and she’s starting to be happy again.