#341. spreading kindness, saying goodbye & seeking community
TLD HER: 20 QUESTIONS
Age: 26
Relationship Status: Married
Occupation: Project management
Income: ~100k
Astrological Sign: Aquarius
How are you, really?
My answer to this changes day to day. In a week, I am often joyful, calm, confident, anxious, grieving… It feels like a rollercoaster sometimes, but above all else, I try to always remain grateful. I wish I could say I have cultivated an undercurrent of peace that is untouched by circumstance, but I am not there yet. Maybe someday! I am trying to ride the waves of this human experience and let myself feel it all without judgment.
What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?
Seeking out community while also recognizing and reminding myself that it takes time. I moved recently, and while I am so grateful that I am close to my family now, I miss my friends so much. I am craving community here and have slowly started to seek it out actively. I am giving myself grace and reminding myself that, like a lot of good things, building community will take time.
What is something you hope never changes?
I hope my overall outlook on life and this world never changes, and I don’t think that it will. I truly believe that good and light will always outweigh darkness. We have the ability to tip the collective energy in a positive direction by spreading kindness and joy. I think that we are souls being people and that regardless of how many tries it takes, we will all end up getting home.
When do you feel most capable?
Both physically and mentally, when I am in my follicular phase! I definitely try to take advantage of the weeks that I have extra energy and a positive outlook comes easily. Also, when I plan a trip and travel with my husband. I am definitely most in my element while getting to explore new parts of this earth.
How do you nurture yourself?
Lifting weights, yoga, cooking healthy meals, resting, the occasional journaling - also being nice to myself when I don’t do any of those things (working on that). I also love a good nap. My top three, though, are walking outside in fresh air, spending time with the people I love, and meditating or praying.
How do you nurture others?
Once I read, “I want to be a warm yellow light that radiates over all those I love”, and I kind of live by that. For my friends, it means always being there to listen and offer comfort or advice. For my mom, it's spending time doing things we love together, talking about my dad, and sharing lots of hugs. For my husband, it's about helping to create a warm and vibrant home, supporting him in all his interests, and together nurturing our adventurous side, making even the ordinary moments fun.
Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?
This is out of my control, but I wish I was able to say goodbye to my Dad. My Dad is the greatest person I have ever met and the biggest blessing of my life. He died unexpectedly about two years ago, and I wouldn’t wish getting a phone call like that on anyone. Luckily, even though I didn’t know it would be the last time I saw him, I remember our last hug vividly, and I know the last thing I said to him was I love you. Always tell your people you love them!
What is something that turns you on?
Good communication and words of affirmation/reassurance! Feeling really understood and known.
What is something that turns you off?
Lack of communication/ feeling unheard or misunderstood.
When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?
I have always been really into fitness and working out, but never felt like I looked quite how I should, despite feeling strong and healthy. I am working on letting go of these expectations and instead eating and moving intuitively and being kind to myself. Work in progress but we’re getting there!
How often do you feel you achieve balance?
Pretty frequently, honestly! I think “balance” is subjective, and everyone needs to find what works for them. I have cultivated a great work-life balance that allows me to work to live and enjoy my life, not live to work. I balance travel and being home, alone time and social time, activity and rest. I’m proud of the balance I have and how sustainable it feels.
What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?
Hmm, I don’t consider myself the riskiest person, but I am spontaneous and brave. I guess buying my house! My husband and I weren’t sure that it was the “right” time, but we decided to go for it, and it definitely felt meant to be. I haven’t had a physical sense of home as a place in a while, and I can already tell we are going to create a beautiful home in this house.
When do you feel most overwhelmed?
When my adulting to-do list gets long, I push things off. I am such a procrastinator. Unless something is so majorly broken beyond repair, I have a hard time getting myself to do anything about it.
How do you move forward?
In literal terms, I just need to get myself to take the first step, and then I find that an object in motion stays in motion. Whether that is checking one thing off my to-do list, getting up and going for a walk, signing up for that yoga class, or just opening up the book. When I can finally get myself to start the thing that I know will make me feel better, it tends to have a ripple effect. Metaphorically, I have had to do a lot of moving forward lately. Over the course of a year I lost my dad, changed jobs, got married, moved states, and bought a house. Right now, “moving forward” looks more like trying to settle and cultivate consistency for a change.
What is something that will always make you laugh?
My husband and my niece! They are hilarious.
What is something that will always make you cry?
If I’m feeling emotional, I will cry at anything, but missing my dad is usually the #1 culprit.
Have you ever been betrayed?
Honestly no! I’ve had one or two friend fall-outs that felt like betrayals at the time, but in hindsight, I think they were just misunderstandings and a case of people naturally growing apart.
What is your greatest temptation?
Probably wanting to get ice cream after anytime I go out for dinner
What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?
My friends living close to me - I miss seeing them on the regular so bad. My best friend is planning to move near me soon, fingers crossed!
What is one thing you can’t get enough of?
Travel and Chipotle.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I’ll share this quote I am loving recently! “You don’t always have to try so hard to live each day to the fullest. Each day is full on its own. All you have to do is notice.”