#377. mental noise, moving through fear & biting your tongue
TLD HER: 20 QUESTIONS
Age: 22 going on 23
Relationship Status: extremely single
Occupation: social worker
Income: 85k
Astrological Sign: Capricorn
If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?
This is such a great question. I would hang out with friends, go for a coastal walk, swim, or read.
What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?
There are people who wait for opportunities and those who look for them. People who live life knowing that everything is an experience will live a better life because they are more open to opportunities, good or bad. The best antidote to anxiety is action.
What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?
Bite your tongue!
When have you felt most accepted?
I was traveling with my best friend when she was on an exchange in Switzerland last year. We were in Prague having a few drinks. I had recently made a discovery that I have a fear of rejection and a fear of being seen, and I thought this fear was only towards men; however, I had an argument with another friend a few months back and was still quite upset even though that friend and I are solid. I expressed this to my best friend, and she stated that I was still upset about it because I felt rejected by my friend. She told me it’s important to be true to myself and with others, and that whatever flaws I feel I have, she will love me no matter what. That type of unconditional love changed my whole life. I felt accepted, and every time I feel unlovable, I think about what she said and that I am loved, even with my insecurities.
When have you felt most supported?
I just finished my social work degree, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. You spend so much of your life moving from one course of action to another; you don’t ever really get time to find out about yourself. Something I am thinking about now in this job.
I bought a one-way ticket to Nepal (where my family was) because I couldn’t find any jobs that resonated with what I wanted to do, and I was going to leave. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing; my family basically told me that I was running away because I was scared (which was true) and forced me to apply for a job. They spoke to me about how they have done things in fear and come out braver and surer of themselves. 11 months later, and I am very grateful that I took the job, and their support encouraged me to be a bit braver and confident in my skills. I took a leap of faith.
Is there anything you are avoiding?
So many things – I am avoiding the question of what I want and what my priorities are. As I mentioned before, when you are moving from one thing to another, you don’t get time to reflect. Reflecting is a privilege; it allows you to think about what you want and who you are. I am avoiding my future a bit – but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I need to learn to stay in the moment and appreciate it.
Have you ever confronted fear? How did it go?
I have – the big one that comes to mind was when I booked a ticket and flew overseas by myself to visit a friend. I had so much anxiety and fear, I thought I was going to cancel the whole trip. The fear came from not being able to trust myself or do anything on my own, which was the scary part. However, after I did it, it was done, and I realized how much fear holds you back from just living.
What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?
To be kind to myself and to make sure I never make decisions based on fear.
What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?
Nothing too serious, but a promise to keep a secret for my best friend when we were both 13.
How do you cope with stress?
I don’t know. My job is stressful, and I rarely cope well with it. When I do, I usually cry and journal.
I have made more of an effort to do something to help physically get that mental stress out through Pilates or going to the gym. I have a lot of mental noise, and if I don’t get it out, I combust.
What is a moment you are most proud of?
Honestly, every moment I decide to be brave and do something that is out of my comfort zone, is something I am always proud of.
How do you celebrate yourself?
By taking time to do the things I love, such as my skincare routine, watching a movie I love, having some sweet treats and slowing down.
What is something that you feel like you have to earn?
Rest and trust.
What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?
Feeling safe.
When was the last time you changed your mind?
Probably yesterday. It was mainly about my life, what I wanted to do, and how I felt about my life, and a typical 20’s brain. The thing about me is I am always scared, but I do it anyway.
Is there anything you wish you could take back?
No.
What does being true to yourself mean?
Being true to myself means doing things without fear or judgment. It means being yourself and being vulnerable to the world. It also just means trusting yourself and learning to accept things about myself that I can’t fully change. It means putting myself first. It means being led by my own values, instead of molding to someone else’s.
It means that even if I am not liked by others, I have got myself. I am backing myself
When do you feel in control?
I get anxious quite a lot, and I need to know everything – I need certainty in my life. However, lately I have been reflecting on how overthinking and trying to guess have made me feel like I have less control.
Hence, I feel more in control when I can trust myself and my life path.
When do you feel out of control?
Honestly, most days I feel out of control with work, with my personal life, and with my future. I’m at that age where everyone is doing something different and I want to experience everything, but I know I can’t do it all at once. I compare myself to everyone and feel I am uncertain of what is going to happen.
Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…
Leave me alone.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
My best friends are amazing. I love them so much, and they are brilliant, and I am blessed to know and love them.