#385. planning a funeral, refilling the glass & being fabulous
TLD HER: 20 QUESTIONS
Age: 60
Relationship Status: Single
Occupation: Currently unemployed – last role was Director of HR at a nonprofit
Income: Living off severance and unemployment
Astrological Sign: Pisces, just celebrated my 60th
If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?
Probably ensure I get 8 hours of sleep.
What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?
Do what makes you happy, be what makes you feel good.
What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?
Don’t move back to the city, it’s too cold and too hard.
When have you felt most accepted?
When I finished grad school at 50.
When have you felt most supported?
When I was much younger, I was supported, accepted, and encouraged to be whatever I wanted to be.
Is there anything you are avoiding?
I think I sometimes avoid working hard to lose weight. I know I need to, I make all sorts of plans, but do nothing. I know losing some weight would be good for me, at least 40lbs would make a world of difference, but I don’t make enough consistent effort.
What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?
To take accountability for my mistakes. I’ve held myself accountable over the years, way before it was fashionable to say and do so.
What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?
I promised my only son that I would always show up for him, and I’ve done so in many ways over the past 35 years.
How do you cope with stress?
When I’m feeling stressed, my coping mechanism is to escape in whatever way is most attainable at the time. It could be a day or two of television so that I don’t think about my issues. It could be sleeping more. It could be eating, and there have been times when I have sought out sex help. Confirmation/validation of me in other ways helps me cope with whatever issue is stressing me out.
What is a moment you are most proud of?
Completing graduate school at 50.
How do you celebrate yourself?
I talk about my wins to people I know care about me. I may buy myself something to remember the win as well.
What is something that you feel like you have to earn?
I used to feel that way about my dad’s love. He was an awful father. His death in 2023 helped me get rid of that notion. His death and how I showed up as his only daughter vindicated me in every way. As much as he loved to say I was not a good daughter, when he died, I took care of all the funeral arrangements. Flew to a place I never wanted to go and handed his long-time companion some money to take care of herself. I did more than he deserved.
What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?
Attention. I’m smart, charming, and a great person to have in your corner. I’m fabulous.
When was the last time you changed your mind?
This morning. I bought a ticket to a friend’s fundraising event for this evening. I thought about not going because my car isn’t drivable at night right now, and otherwise I’ll have to either take an Uber or borrow my mom’s car. It just feels like a major endeavor, and I’m feeling lazy. I know it will be a good time, and it will be nice to see my friend. I’m still wavering.
Is there anything you wish you could take back?
A few of the men I’ve been with, but I guess they taught me lessons I was supposed to learn, but there are a couple of muthafuckers I should have never gotten with.
What does being true to yourself mean?
Being true to myself means paying attention to my inner voice and following its guidance. It means accepting that I’m not for everyone and being okay with that. Being true means accepting that I’m original and unconventional for my family and that I need to continue standing in that truth.
When do you feel in control?
When my questions are answered, when my needs are met, and when I’ve got money.
When do you feel out of control?
When the final decision rests with someone else, and when my money is funny. Right now, I feel somewhat out of control. I’m not working, I’m unsure of when I’ll find a job, and I don’t really have any savings.
Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…
It’s been a good one, I’m looking forward to my next chapters.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
“The glass is neither half empty nor half full, it’s refillable”. I read this somewhere a few years ago, and I embraced the philosophy. I am forever an optimist.